Wise tip of the day #18

May 20, 2013 § Leave a comment

Washing/drying/ironing/ your baby sis’/daughter’s tiny undies. Not good for your mental health.

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30 fears for 30

April 17, 2013 § Leave a comment

A list of things I fear about becoming 30. May they fly away once out there!

1) That people will pester me about starting a family.

2) That I’ll probably never start one.

3) That everyone will start noticing my grey hair.

4) That I’ll be having less sex.

5) That Mf will leave me for some 20 year old bimbo.

6) That I’ll be attracting 20 year old college boys. Only.

7) That I’ll never own an apartment that I can decorate according to my taste.

8) That I’ll never own my dream office for my private practice.

9) That I’ll actually have to start using all those beauty products in my cabin.

10) That I’ll have to cut down on booze.

11) That people in the bus will start addressing me in courtesy language.

12) That I’ll have to cut my hair, cos long doesn’t flatter older women.

13) That I might consider staying on 29. For ever.

14) That I might never again want to celebrate my birthday.

15) That all my friends will be talking about babies and family holidays.

16) That if I arrange my girls-only dream trip, none will be able to join cos they’ll be breastfeeding.

17) That I may start crying during romantic comedies.

18) That I’ll be spending more time browsing Martha Stewart instead of, well everyone knows the truth.

19) That playing all day COD with my man will not be considered a cool thing anymore.

20) That once 5) happens people will be hooking me up with a bunch of nice guys whereas I’ll just want to turn into a lesbian.

21) That the first thing I’ll open my eyes to once I’m 30 will be my first wrinkle.

22) That people will get me presents with lame jokes about getting older.

23) That it’ll be inappropriate to sing this out loud.

24) That I’ll start saving money for boobs instead of retirement.

25) That I’ll start saving money for retirement instead of boobs.

26) That movies+dinner will be considered an adventure.

27) That I’ll wear my heels even less often than now.

28) That when the day comes, I’ll act like Joey.

29) That I’ll start having a crush on Justin Bieber.

30) That I’ll have even more moronic fears like these.

Wise tip of the day #14

April 16, 2013 § 2 Comments

Women fake orgasm so that they can have the last word in the breakup.

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