May 20, 2013 § Leave a comment
Washing/drying/ironing/ your baby sis’/daughter’s tiny undies. Not good for your mental health.
April 23, 2013 § Leave a comment
Unless you’ve drooled on your other half while sleeping, you’re not intimate enough.
April 20, 2013 § Leave a comment
April 18, 2013 § Leave a comment
Definition of passive-aggressive: Leaving a pizza in the fridge when you know someone at home is observing Lent.
April 17, 2013 § Leave a comment
A list of things I fear about becoming 30. May they fly away once out there!
1) That people will pester me about starting a family.
2) That I’ll probably never start one.
3) That everyone will start noticing my grey hair.
4) That I’ll be having less sex.
6) That I’ll be attracting 20 year old college boys. Only.
7) That I’ll never own an apartment that I can decorate according to my taste.
8) That I’ll never own my dream office for my private practice.
9) That I’ll actually have to start using all those beauty products in my cabin.
10) That I’ll have to cut
down on booze.
11) That people in the bus will start addressing me in courtesy language.
12) That I’ll have to cut my hair, cos long
doesn’t flatter older women.
13) That I might consider staying on 29. For ever.
14) That I might never again want to celebrate my birthday.
15) That all my friends will be talking about babies and family holidays.
16) That if I arrange my girls-only dream trip, none will be able to join cos they’ll be breastfeeding.
17) That I may start crying during romantic comedies.
19) That playing all day COD with my man will not be considered a cool thing anymore.
20) That once 5) happens people will be hooking me up with a bunch of nice guys whereas I’ll just want to turn into a lesbian.
21) That the first thing I’ll open my eyes to once I’m 30 will be my first wrinkle.
22) That people will get me presents with lame jokes about getting older.
23) That it’ll be inappropriate to sing this out loud.
24) That I’ll start saving money for boobs instead of retirement.
25) That I’ll start saving money for retirement instead of boobs.
26) That movies+dinner will be considered an adventure.
27) That I’ll wear my heels even less often than now.
28) That when the day comes, I’ll act like Joey.
29) That I’ll start having a crush on Justin Bieber.
30) That I’ll have even more moronic fears like these.
April 16, 2013 § 2 Comments
Women fake orgasm so that they can have the last word in the breakup.