March 11, 2013 § Leave a comment
Let me get something straight. I am not a
very energetic person. My busy day is probably the relaxing weekend you’ve been longing for. I have 29 years of experience in procrastinating. An ex showed me once a survey that explained how successful people are quite systematically postponing stuff (that made us both feel cool cats for a while). Also, you must not confuse us with idle people. We are actually overthinking. And it’s true what they say, you cannot do both. So we think instead of doing.
Lately however, and by that I mean the last year or so, I find myself messing around with lots of different things. There is for the first time a list in my head with stuff I want to try and some that I tried already. Here comes the warning. This is not a walk in the park. It’s not a sudden change but a process. The need to postpone is always there and occasionally beats the shit out of you.
I recently started dancing lessons. I often make up very unique excuses in my head to avoid it. One time I got there but those dreadful mirrors in the ballroom urged me to leave. I stayed however and that felt good after a while. The worst though is when I say to Mf that I’ll skip a class (no, you can’t always overcome your barriers) and this excruciating silence follows. The one during which I beg for him to say “it’s ok smootthie” but he doesn’t cos he knows better than that. During that silence I am convinced that I’ve totally disappointed him, while in reality he is most probably day dreaming about sailing. Or big boobs. Or both.
No matter what is your personal reason for procrastinating (mirrors, people, shame, guilt, the need to excel on everything) it all comes down to this revelation: We cannot postpone life (I know… we’ve tried so f***g hard all of us). So, find someone that knows better than you and I hope to meet you at a common endeavor in the future.